At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry about my life...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
