suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
