After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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