i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
