It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
