Hey man sorry I got all grabby
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
