just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
