I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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