I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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