Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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