Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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