Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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