The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize