I just pynch a tree in the face
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
God, I missed his penis.
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