Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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