Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
