No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
