i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
