Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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