you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
