And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
