those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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