bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
