I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
