Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
