You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
