Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
