It's like God shit irony all over that family
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
