since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
