i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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