One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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