sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
