I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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