literally had 100 drinks last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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