How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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