Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
