I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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