My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we're so committed to being not committed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
