I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
