Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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