i think my tv is drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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