i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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