you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
