drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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