He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He kissed a someone with a penis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
