i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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