you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
