are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
