He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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