look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
