You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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