Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
