If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
