I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
