sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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