Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
