He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
