if you like me you must not know who I am
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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