The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
