if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
