At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
