I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was like eating out sand paper
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
