Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
