i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
