I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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