we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
