the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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