i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
