I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
