I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
