thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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