I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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